he thought i was a dude.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
