Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
