It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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