I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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