Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
