i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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