i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize