I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
NoShamevember. You game?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
