i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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