bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
