I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
