i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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