I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
