some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
