I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
