I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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