We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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