his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
