one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize