"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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