Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
