he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
