you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
