it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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