Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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