It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
