PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
