I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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