I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
