Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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