I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
