i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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