Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
