I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
