I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize