when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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