I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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