my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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