i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
