i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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