You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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