I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
