dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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