How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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