Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
