I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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