This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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