I wanna passion pit in your ass
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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