she woke up with a sticky ear
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
