a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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