im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
