Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
