I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize