Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
