the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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