you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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