theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
