Where did you get a picture of my penis
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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