if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
