Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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