State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she told me i tasted like america
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
